


algophobia

by bdysnatchr4evr



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2019-11-01 08:59:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17864375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdysnatchr4evr/pseuds/bdysnatchr4evr





	1. bleach

"lars, wake up." i feel a tap on my shoulder. i look up at the sudden noise. 

"huh?" i make eye contact with nico. 

"bro, you fell asleep again. are you getting enough sleep?"

i look around the empty classroom. "yea sure, where is everyone?"

nico sighs at my lack of a response to his question. "it's lunch. the bell just rang."

i rub my eyes and stand up, shoving my stuff into my bag then sliding it onto my back.

"let's go then." 

i start walking towards the door. nico follows me and i feel his gaze on me. we sit down at our usual seat at lunch and i set my phone on the table. i look around shortly then i rest my head on my arms. why do i feel so gross today? i thought i got enough sleep last night, so why am i tired? 

i remain half asleep for the rest of lunch, until the bell rings and i nearly feel like puking when i stand up. nothing will come up, but i wish it would. i have math next, which only puts my mood even farther down. my math teacher never fails to piss me off. i start walking to my math class and i feel my chest sink down to the floor when i walk into the classroom. i can tell this is going to be a long class. at least i have one more after this, right?

the next two classes passed very slowly but they eventually passed. the bell rang for the end of the school day. i groggily walk to the buses, and i throw myself into a seat in the middle. i put my headphones in so i don't have to listen to all the annoying kids fighting. i shiver because it's even colder on the bus than it is outside. even though it's sunny, it remains cold the entire winter. it's probably like 20 degrees but i really don't care that much. i'm looking out the window, my legs stretched out onto the seat. maybe i'd have the seat to myself, but that thought changes when a girl stands in front of me. 

"hey.. could i sit there by chance?" she said as her cheeks flush with pink.

"uh, yea. sure." i grab my backpack and turn my legs, holding my backpack in my lap. the girl sits next to me, trying to sit as close to the edge as possible. 

her hair looks too pretty to be natural but it looks soft so i doubt she'd bleached it. her outfit looks really nice and i noticed her jacket had fall out boy written on the arm. i smirked to myself. she seems interesting. she looked at me nervously, feeling stalked.

"i'm sorry, should i find another seat?" she asks, concerned that she was annoying me.  
i stopped staring at her jacket and i looked into her eyes. they were two different colours covered by a thin pair of round, brown glasses

"no, no, it's fine. i was just looking at your jacket." i said, switching my focus to each of her coloured eyes. she was pretty. i don't know why i never noticed her before. 

"i made it myself." she smiled.

"so you like fall out boy?" i asked sliding my backpack down to the ground, resting my dusty feet on top of it. 

"yea, do you like them?" she said quietly, looking down, afraid of the response. she's probably been made fun of because of her interests before. i know that feeling. 

"i don't listen to them much but they're cool. i'm more into my chem though." i shrug, crossing my arms. 

her face lit up and she moved her backpack in a way to move closer to me. "i like them too! i mostly listen to fall out boy though." she blushes more.

i nod smirking at her and i turned to the window and put my earbud back in. she seems pretty cool but i didn't want to drag on a conversation. the bus pulled out of the parking lot and i drowned myself in the music i was listening to. we eventually met my house and i sighed, reaching for my backpack. she took that as a cue to move. she stood up to let me out and a kid smacked my backpack as i walked by. 

"make sure to drink some bleach tonight, lars!" the kid yells loud enough for the whole bus to hear. i didn't look back to see who it was, but my head fell as i got off the bus and walked down the driveway to my front door. after i slid into the front door, i threw my backpack onto the floor of my bedroom. i take my shirt off and fall onto the bed, then i unbutton my jeans and slide them off too. i lay half naked on the bed, staring at my ceiling for a while. 

maybe i should drink some bleach. all i do is come home and do nothing, right? what's the point in me staying if i do nothing? 

i sit up and i put on some sweatpants, then i start picking up all the things off the floor, setting things on shelves and plugging in all the things i left on the floor. after my room is tidier i look through the collection of cds i own. i grab parachutes and put the cd in. i grab my laundry basket and walk downstairs to the washing machine. as i put a load of laundry in, my cat rubs against my leg. 

"hey tofu, how's your day been today?" i smile at him. he sniffs the air a bit, closing his eyes and he lets out a slow meow. 

"yea me too, boy." i put the last of my clothes into the wash and i start it. i sit down in front of tofu and he climbs into my lap. he starts purring and i hug him, kissing his half black nose. i sit up and i lay him in the empty laundry basket, carrying it back upstairs. by the time i get back in my room, i'm a mess is playing. i set the laundry basket on my bed and i change the cd a track back. i sit down on my bed to pet tofu a bit more, then he jumps out of the laundry basket and runs out the door. i shrug and put the basket into my closet. i lay back down on the bed in denial. i have nothing else to work on now.

i start thinking about things. what if things eventually got better? if i killed myself would anyone even care?? they probably would, but i don't want to believe it. that's kinda narcissistic of me to think people actually care about me. the song changes back to i'm a mess.

"try not to wake me up cuz i don't feel too good."

yea, i'm going to sleep.


	2. her

by the time i woke up again, it was dark out. i sigh, getting up and turning the radio off. the cd has stopped playing forever ago. the door was open before i slept, but it was now closed and my laundry was in a basket beside the door. i smiled softly. my mom probably dropped it off for me. that was sweet.   
i quickly put the clean clothes up in my closet, still tired from my long nap. after slipping into one of my many my chemical romance t-shirts, i sluggishly walk out into the kitchen. i lazily grab a glass and fill it with water. i turn around to see my mom sitting on the couch. 

"hello sweetie, did you have a good nap?" my mom pauses the tv.

finishing the glass of water and nodding, i say, "thanks for bringing my laundry up."

she smiles at me, glad i noticed. "don't worry about it! you should get more sleep, you look like you need it all the time."

i just shrug and set the glass into the sink. 

"where's dad?" 

"he's still at work." she turns away and stretches her legs out on the couch. 

i sigh. i haven't seen dad in a while. he's been at work. it's not like we talk that much but it feels lonely without all of my family home. i go into the bathroom and get ready for bed. after spitting into the sink, i look at my reflection in the mirror. i study every small feature about me, from the freckle under my eye to the shape of my lips. god, i'm so white. why didn't i get my dad's mexican genes. 

i walk back to my room and get comfortable in my bed. i check my phone after hours of inactivity, yet nothing. no one really cares. i end up falling asleep to useless youtube videos. 

"get the fuck up, you have ten minutes to get ready."

i groan, sitting up and walking to my closet. i quickly put on my jeans and a yellow t-shirt, and run to the bathroom to finish getting ready. while rushing to tie my shoes, my brother hovers over me. he hands me a banana and a granola bar. 

"eat this, you don't eat enough." he says as i take it from him. 

"thanks." i unwrap the granola bar and take a bite as i grab my coat. he opens the door and we get into the car. 

as i'm on the way to school, i'm thinking about how rude it is that he wastes his time driving me. even though he's on his way to work anyways, it's still annoying that he has to take his little brother with him, right? there's not a purpose for me to live. all i am is a burden. 

the day passes slowly and my eyes are locked to my shoes walking myself to the bus. i don't want to look at anything else. i'm too tired to do so. 

as i'm waiting for the bus to leave, someone sits beside me. it's the girl again. she looks at me and smiles. 

"i didn't introduce myself. i'm nancy." 

is she actually talking to me? initiating a conversation? with me?? 

"uhh hi nancy, i'm larson. why are you talking to me?"

we stare at each other for an awkward second. 

"sorry that came out rude.. it's just no one really talks to me." i scratch at my backpack to avoid eye contact. she laughs considerately. 

"no i get it. i'm just trying to be nice because you seem like you need someone."

she continues to talk and i get more and more relaxed. she's the only one that i feel i don't have to have a guard up for. throughout the bus ride i get to know her more. by the time i get home i can't get the smile off my face. i flop onto my bed and i stare at the ceiling. all i can do is think about her. out of everyone she could talk to, she talks to me? how did i manage to let that happen. she's like the most perfect girl ever. she has good music taste and she's cute. i think something's wrong with me.

a soft meow comes from the floor. i continue to lie down and tofu jumps onto the bed. i sit up to pet him and he starts purring. in this moment i don't feel bad. it's been a while since i haven't felt dead. the sun is actually shining. once again, i think something's wrong with me.


	3. halloween?

whoopie me! another day.

this time it isn't so bad.

now that i have an actual reason to wake up, it isn't so hard. 

i quickly get ready and get into my brother's car. i'm in there before him for once and he is surprised when he sees me sitting in the front seat. 

"what's wrong with you?" he says, genuinely concerned. 

"nothing." 

he doesn't say anything as he starts up the car. i close my eyes for a short nap and i start thinking about nancy. my heart starts beating a bit more. why the fuck am i like this. 

when i get to school i eye around the hallways to see if i could find her. from behind me i feel hands on my shoulders. 

"lars! i found you." nancy moves to my right side and smiles at me.

"you were looking for me?" i ask in shock. 

"yeah? i don't really have friends so," she continues. "you also seem pretty cool and i wanna talk to you more."

how the hell can she just tell me this stuff? i'd be too embarrassed to even tell her i eat mac n cheese. 

the bell rings and i say goodbye to nancy. all day i sit and think about nancy, contemplating how i feel about her. i finally have someone that is actually interested in me. maybe not relationship wise but she wants to get to know me. what did i do to deserve her? i'm just worthless. if she gets closer to me she'll get hurt. i don't want to push her away but i also don't want to hurt her.

i'm more excited than normal for the day to end. as soon as i hear the final ring, i rush to the door to find a seat on the bus. my heart is thumping so hard. i hate it so much. i keep watching the door to the bus, waiting to see nancy step on. shit, it would make me seem too needy if i am looking for her. so, i stare at the back of the bus seat until the seat shifts beside me.

"heeeey, how was your day today?" nancy says casually.

"boring. it always is." i slump into my seat, turning to her. she laughs. 

"yeah, i understand. sometimes it's better if you aren't lonely in your classes though."

"well that must be why i'm bored all the time." i check my phone because i have nothing else to say.

"i wish we had a class together, maybe we will next semester." 

fuck, she really wants to have a class with me? that would be nice though. i hope we do because then at least one of my classes won't be as boring. 

"i hope so. i forgot my classes for next semester though." 

"me too."

there's an awkward pause of silence.

"so what classes are you taking now?" she asks.

"well i'm in english and french and then i have art and math."

"ahh interesting! how's french going?"

"terrible. i hate the teacher. she can shove a dsi stylus up her urethra."

nancy covers her mouth in shock.

"is she really that bad?"

"yeah. i hate her. but it's alright it's okay i'm not mad." i smack my backpack. "SO."

she stares at me in confusion. "so?"

i don't know why i did that.

"what are you doing for halloween?"

her cheeks flush a bit. should i not have asked that? is it too soon??

"ahh nothing really.. i was just thinking about staying home and watching movies."

my heart beats hard. should i really ask this on the third day i've met her? 

"well, i have a lot of scary movies at my house." i say, trying to act nonchalant but failing.

nancy blushes. "what are you asking?"

"i dunno it would be cool if you came over and we could watch something. unless you don't want to? that's fine i wouldn't accept an invitation from some dude you just met three days ago."

i shouldn't have added that last part.

"i'd have to ask but i think it would be fun. why not? i'd be alone on halloween anyways."

my heart go boom boom. all i can hear in my head is screaming with excitement. 

"okay" i smile at her. i can feel my face burning. 

the rest of the bus ride we're on our own, listening to music and i'm thinking about halloween. i hope she can come over. i wouldn't even be able to stay sane though. oh man. 

as soon as i get off the bus i look for my mom so i can ask her about nancy. she's sitting at her desk in her room. 

"hey mom?" i say, hovering over her desk. "can a friend come over on halloween?"

"who, nico? of course he can" she asks.

"no, a different friend." 

"oh you made a new friend! what's his name?" she gets excited and turns toward me.

"uhh well her name is nancy." 

she looks shocked for a second and then another wave of excitement rushes over her face.

"oh? what are you guys gonna do? remember what i taught you, larson!"

my face burns. "mom i just met her! we're planning to watch some movies or something."

she laughs, proud that she embarrassed her son. 

"well, just let me know if you need anything. snacks, drinks, condoms.."

"mom!" i yell. she is hysterical in laugher. 

"what? i'm open to it!"

i shake my head and make my way to the door. i turn around before leaving the room.

"actually, get some anyways. just in case."

my mom gives a thumbs up and turns around to her computer. 

oh man, what am i doing.


	4. tired

"larson. larson!" my teacher snaps. 

"huh?" i ask, in a daze. 

"we are going over the quiz. are the trees outside more important than your english grade?"

the class has a faint laugh over the teacher calling me out. i just stare at my paper and ignore her. why do the teachers always call me out and no one else? what did i do to deserve this?

after bullshitting my way through english, i'm finally free for a few minutes. then i have french. god, fuck french. i understand it somewhat but it's just a miserable class to go through. i have no friends and the teacher annoys me. i should've just taken spanish. 

as i'm walking to french, i see nico in the hallway. he notices me and changes direction to walk beside me.

"hey man, i haven't seen you much. what's up?"

"ah nothing really. we don't have any classes together so i guess that's it."

he shrugs. "but we have lunch. you don't talk at lunch though. it seems like something's up, larson."

"nah man, it's all good. i'm just tired, that's it."

"alright… if you say so. if something is wrong, you don't have to be quiet about it."

i just disregard his offer for help because i don't wanna burden him. he's too positive for me to be depressing. he pats my shoulder and turns around. 

"see you at lunch, lars!" he gives me a wave and i wave back. i don't understand how i have friends. 

slowly french goes by and lunch arrives. i'm too tired to eat anything so i just cover my head and nap instead. every once and a while nico would nudge me to make sure i was still alive. he keeps looking worried and i don't want him to be. 

the bell rings for the end of lunch and nico walks me to my class. 

"hey, do you wanna hang out after school today?"

ah fuck. i don't feel too well. i really don't want to bother him.

"i have a project due tomorrow and i also have a lot of french homework." i lied.

"oh… alright. sometime soon then? we need to play smash again." he said, obviously disappointed.

"yeah sure, i'll have to see when i don't have all this schoolwork."

"alright." he says. he starts walking to his class with no other words. 

i sigh deeply, my heart sinking in my chest. i always loved hanging out with nico. why is this changing? if i don't spend time with him soon he's gonna think we aren't friends anymore. 

the last two classes were decent. still slow but not that bad. i talk to nancy on the bus and my mood is somewhat better as i get home. after throwing my backpack on my bedroom floor, i sink into my bed and let myself drift from reality.


End file.
